My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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