I just made out with a guy for $7.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
