I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
