I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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