I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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