once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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