just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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