One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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