Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
false alarm, still single
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