He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
