He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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