My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
