...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize