just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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