Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
