O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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