what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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