The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm having to shit out rocks
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
