Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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