I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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