Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
