i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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