Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
