ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
