Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
