i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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