so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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