11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
