I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
