I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I had to cum in my sink.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
