Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
