This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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