I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
