woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
