I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize