Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
