I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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