I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
