I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
