Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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