Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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