I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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