You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
