So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
