Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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