I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
