I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
