when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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