and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
