Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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