Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
