atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
