normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
