i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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