She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
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