No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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