I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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