suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
