My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
