Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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