last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
