naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize