Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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