We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
